Holidays reveal the deepest reason men love beer
I’ve just got back from a great couple of days surfing, staying in a log cabin on the coast. We had some good waves, and it was a typical blokes holiday. Absolutely hopeless.
Classically, the whole operation was meticulously planned - the morning before we left. We decided to go and get supplies. We bought food, of all varieties - more than was necessary - just to be sure. We are men, and proper men eat lots. Alcohol was also bought in bulk, of all passably masculine varieties (beer, whiskey and wine.) Of that too, we had clearly more than was needed - which of course, being men, turned out not to be enough…
We had stuff to make fire, a seperate method each no less, and bought more stuff to make it hotter and bigger - satisfying the caveman/arsonist instinct rooted deep within us all.
We also had stuff. Lots of it. Big sleeping bags. Large coats. Far more clothes than were necessary, same again with towels. We men had ensured that we would be comfortable, oh yes, very comfortable, and warm. Not because we’re scared of the cold, obviously - we are men - we men just recognise the need to enjoy the meat and, especially, the cold beer, and for this it is good to be warm and comfortable.
If only life was so simple as to only warrant this sort of simple thinking. We had food, drink, fire and stuff - which is all the essential bases covered. There should be no need for technicalities. But life isn’t aware of this, and technicalities is what we got. We had thought of everything we needed, so we left - food, clothes and drink in tow. We didn’t think to the next level - the stuff we needed all needs more stuff too. The food needed a tin opener and once a tin opener had been provided, it asked for more stuff, namely cutlery and plates. The wine moaned without a corkscrew, poker chips had to have cards and whiskey required glasses. We hadn’t thought of any of these things, we had NONE of the second levels covered. It was a classic macho shambles.
We had to resort to using our wits. I now know my big hunting knife can open cans. Charm can get campsite staff to sort cutlery and plates, and trading can get corkscrews.
And this is the secret to why men love beer. You can just pack it - no questions asked, no extra level - and it delivers. 100% of the time it works, every time.
3 years ago • Notes